Re: Leaving the state with our children

These are general comments only. You should talk with an attorney with experience in family law before you take any action. That said:

First: If you have "reasonable apprehension of bodily harm," meaning a reasonable person in your situation would be afraid that s/he or the children could be injured (slapped, shoved, had objects thrown at you, etc.), you can get an temporary order of protection (TOP) that covers both you and the children, and any other person who might be harmed, for example, if your mother watches the children at her house, the aggressor might come to mother's home.

You might have a crime victim advocate in your jurisdiction who can help you fill out the forms and appear before the judge to have the temporary order signed. Call your local YWCA, battered women's group, etc., for contact information. The petition for order of protection can request that the aggressor cannot remain in the home until the temporary order is brought before the judge at a hearing.

Second: In general, either parent may legally take the children on a vacation. No court has ordered a parenting schedule, so technically you are not violating any law. That said . . .

Third, you may go on vacation with the children to Illinois because no court order prevents you. BUT I usually advise clients to let the other parent know where you will be and approximately how long you will be gone. Because the TOP applies wherever you and the children are, legally husband cannot contact you. You should, therefore, assure him that the kids will send postcards just to keep in touch.

I advise this because, when wife and children simply disappear, the husband/father is understandably worried. Scared people do rash things. Don't contribute to his fear of never seeing the kids again, and the chances that he will react from that fear.

You're far enough away that he can cool down with you and the kids in a safe place. You can tell him that's part of the reason you removed yourself and the kids to a safe place -- so he can cool down and begin counseling for his anger. You can reassure him that you will return before school starts, that the kids will stay in touch until they return.

You don't mention a history of aggression against you or the children, so I assume this is the first time your husband has threatened you. I don't take threats lightly, and neither should you. But you can control your actions in a way that preserves stability for the children and preserves or creates their relationship to dad (again, assuming he is not violent toward them).