Adultery is still illegal in MA. but is never prosecuted and is overlooked by the courts unless you can prove that as a result of the affair assets were dissipated. If so, then there should be a credit.

You have received many answers to this question already. But, it is a broad question and it touches upon custodial issues in the second paragraph, so I would like to provide an answer as well.

First, any lawyer who indicates that adultery is not a crime in Massachusetts is plainly wrong. It is a crime. I believe that the last prosecution for it was overturned in the mid-1980's but don't hold me to that without my checking the caselaw. The upshot is that it is highly unlikely to be prosecuted.

But, whether or not it is criminal behavior, as one lawyer already indicated somewhere in his highlighted portions of G.L. c. 208 Sec 34, conduct of the parties is a relevant factor in determining the outcome of the case. Now, before you read that to mean that you will be compensated for the fact of adultery, if you can prove it, keep in mind that the majority of trial court judges will see little compensatory value in adultery, if any at all. And, given your statement that your finances are limited, the court, in making an overall determination of asset division will not typically impoverish one parent at the expense of the other parent. As far as trips, dinners, bills, etc. I don't think it is responsible to give you and answer on whether or not they will add up to something you can recover. Much depends on the nature and extent of the expenditures, how the finances were arranged (for example - did you see the expenditures over the past 10 years and never object to them, or were finances kept secret somehow?) The emotional aspect of the case is a very typical factor for experienced divorce attorneys. And, the best ones will tell you to seek counselling to help to cope and heal with this loss. Acting our of spite or hurt is really never a good idea. I don't know how old your children are, but moving out is inadvisable until you have retained counsel and have gotten experienced advice on that issue.

Whatever you decide, I hope that you are able to keep perspective and realize that although this may seem like the lowest point in your life, this is far from a unique experience and that many before you have gone through a similar experience and moved past it to a healthy and happy life after the marriage.

Massachusetts is a "no fault" state, which means that one or both parties may initiate a divorce proceeding on the basis of an "irretrievable breakdown in the marriage", which does not require (or call for) either party to prove that the breakdown of the marriage was more the fault of one of them than the other. But adultery by one of the parties can still play a role in divorce proceedings in this state, particularly where one party diverted marital assets towards an adulterous affair, as evidenced by the following excerpt from Mass. General Laws Chapter 208, Section 34, which deals with alimony awards and the division of marital assets (I have emphasized the most relevant sections by putting them in ALL CAPS):

In determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be paid, or in fixing the nature and value of the property, if any, to be so assigned, the court, after hearing the witnesses, if any, of each party, shall consider the length of the marriage, THE CONDUCT OF THE PARTIES DURING THE MARRIAGE, the age, health, station, occupation, amount and sources of income, vocational skills, employability, estate, liabilities and needs of each of the parties and the opportunity of each for future acquisition of capital assets and income. In fixing the nature and value of the property to be so assigned, the court shall also consider the present and future needs of the dependent children of the marriage. The court may also consider the CONTRIBUTION OF EACH OF THE PARTIES IN THE ACQUISITION, PRESERVATION OR APPRECIATION IN VALUE OF THEIR RESPECTIVE ESTATES and the contribution of each of the parties as a homemaker to the family unit.

So, the fact of an adulterous affair -- especially one that involves one spouse "blowing" significant marital assets on that affair -- is but one of many factors that go into determining the amount of alimony (if any) to be paid, and into the division of marital assets. The more "egregious" your husband's conduct was in carrying on this affair, the more likely it is that you may be able to use that conduct to your legal advantage.

As always, it is best to consult with an attorney about the exact circumstances of your situation, and about how best to proceed with any legal action.

All good answers so far. You might want to pull a credit report (you can get one for free online) on yourself to see if any adultery-related expenditures are harming you in terms of debt and/or your credit rating. If so, you'd want to move quickly to end that spending, and hopefully negotiate an offset for it in a final agreement. Unless the total adultery related expenditures are substantial, and/or if kids are being exposed to it in a harmful manner, a judge will not likely react strongly to adultery. Good luck.

In technical terms, Attorney Mason is absolutely correct. The question before is whether the amount of marital funds/assets being spent on dates, trips, and dinners is really worth litigating depending on the other issues in the case. People are entitled to eat out, they are entitled to date, they are even entitled to travel; but they are not entitled to run up credit card bills and then claim the bills as shared marital debt. In a middle-income family, the Court will not care about a dinner out here and there; but if the spending is out of proportion to income, then you should consult a lawyer and take steps immediately.

Attorney Mason provided a very good answer for you. I would only add that if you believe funds are still being dissipated, you should consider filing for divorce. After you file for divorce and your spouse is served, an automatic restraining order on all of your assets goes into place pursuant to Supplemental Probate Rule 411. That way your spouse could no longer dissipate funds.

Adultery, though very difficult to prove and very rarely prosecuted, is still illegal in Massachusetts. It is also grounds for a fault-based divorce, which is not recommended for a number of reasons.

However, you are right - the marital funds that have been dissipated (used) by the unfaithful spouse during his affair create legitimate issues for litigation during the divorce. I f you can prove the expenditures (credit cards, vacation photos, cancelled checks, receipts for gifts, etc.) you can and should demand that that the value of those expenditures be recognized as an allocation of marital assets to your spouse and the division of assets should reflect the allocation.

This litigation/negotiation does not have to take place in the context of a fault-based divorce. The entire issue can be dealt with in a typical contested divorce case where the judge (absent a settlement) makes the division of assets based on the various factors contained in MGL 208 § 34.

For a better understanding of the section 34 considerations confer with an attorney most of whom will offer an initial meeting with you free of charge